I glanced at the clock. The reflected time stopped me cold. My heart began to race. My stomach started turning. My breath grew shallow. They were all automatic responses to what was estimated to occur in less than three hours: my stepdaughters’ return from two weeks at their grandparents’ home.
Feeling terrible about my physical reaction, I texted two friends and asked them to pray for me.
Sitting in the Center: An Ours Child’s Perspective on Stepfamily Lifeby Trisha Ladogna
Our decision to have an ours baby was not made lightly. I was 36, a childless stepmother for more than five years and had suffered a miscarriage prior to having my first biological child.
Like many first-time mothers, I did an amazing amount of preparation and reading about what was happening with my body and my baby. Like many stepmothers, I did just as much reading and preparation around the impact this little bundle of joy would have on our stepfamily—particularly my stepson.
A family is a family is a family. Two adults. Some kids. Does it really matter so much how and when the family was formed? Or that not all of the people in that family are blood related? You look like a family. You act like a family. Love conquers all.
The same rules ought to apply, right? Rarely do women who are not stepmothers understand just how wrong these assumptions are. They try to be supportive, but they just don’t get it.
Preparing for the arrival of a new baby can be an exciting time for any couple. Whether you are motivated by wanting a biological child of your own or a desire to share the parenthood experience with your partner, the decision to add an “ours” baby to the stepfamily dynamic is an important one.
For some stepmoms, conceiving a child can serve as a way to authenticate the couple’s relationship, especially in the eyes of those people who they feel question its validity. On a subconscious level, it also can be a way to show others that this relationship (the stepcouple relationship) is real. It isn’t a mere substitution for their partner’s former union. Continue reading “Preparing Stepkids for an Ours Baby – In the July 2015 Issue”
Communication breakdowns—not unlike the sudden breakdown of a car while you’re speeding along the highway—can be unnerving. In stepfamilies, they can also lead to critical breaks in the otherwise happy connection you share with your partner.
Sure, we all have days when we don’t quite get what our partners are saying.
The tips and advice in this month’s issue are designed to
help make your job a little easier.
While we don’t specifically address Mother’s Day in any of the articles, remember that—regardless of your maternal status and any recognition you may or may not receive on May 10—what you do is important.
Stepfamily experts agree that a stepmom’s job is the hardest job position within any family!
And, if stepmoms got paid what they’re worth? We’d all be millionaires.