Baby Blues: Preparing Stepkids for Your “Ours” Baby’s Arrival by Christina Roach, LMHC, NCC, DCC
Preparing for the arrival of a new baby can be an exciting time for any couple. Whether you are motivated by wanting a biological child of your own or a desire to share the parenthood experience with your partner, the decision to add an “ours” baby to the stepfamily dynamic is an important one.
For some stepmoms, conceiving a child can serve as a way to authenticate the couple’s relationship, especially in the eyes of those people who they feel question its validity. On a subconscious level, it also can be a way to show others that this relationship (the stepcouple relationship) is real. It isn’t a mere substitution for their partner’s former union.
Regardless of the reasons for adding an “ours” baby to the mix, introducing a new member to the stepfamily has both benefits and drawbacks, which are felt by everyone—maybe no one more so than your stepchildren. For them, it can heighten the vulnerabilities they felt when you were first introduced into the picture.
Questions ranging from “Will my dad still pay attention to me?” to “Where will I fit in now?” can replay themselves over and over again. These thoughts can plague a stepchild and conjure up feelings of uncertainty. Thus, approaching the topic with delicacy and remaining thoughtful, as to how it will impact them, will help lower everyone’s anxieties. …To read the rest of this article, log in to your account and download the July 2015 issue OR check out “A Stepmom’s Guide to Having an Ours Baby.”