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March 2012
Inside the March issue:
The Surprising Truth about Stepcouples
(and the advantages they have over first marriages!)
On Life, Love and Loss
Giselle Minoli shares conversations with her stepson
Interview Exclusive
Wednesday Martin, Ph.D., author of Stepmonster
Yours + Ours + Disney Dad = Trouble!
Tips from the experts for a struggling stepmom
Legal Matters
Can mom relocate with her kids at will? We explain
PLUS: Crafts, Recipes, Fitness… And MORE!
Posted in Monthly Issues
Tagged advice, articles, disney dad, giselle minoli, information, step-parent, stepfamily, stepmom, stepmom magazine, stepmonster, stepmother, stepparent, support, wednesday martin
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February 2012
Inside the February issue:
Seasoned Stepmoms
Learn what experienced stepmoms have in common
To Have or Not to Have…A Baby
One stepmom’s personal struggle to decide
Are You Too Busy for Romance?
Tips to reignite the spark that brought you together
Not Seeing Eye-to-Eye With Your Partner?
Here’s how to work through differing viewpoints
Legal Matters
Can a stepmom be granted custody? We explain
Crafts
Recipes
Fitness… And MORE!
Posted in Monthly Issues
Tagged advice, blended family, forums, information, step-mother, stepchildren, stepfamily, stepkids, stepmom, stepmom magazine, stepmother, support
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Friends with the ex
FOR THE SAKE OF THE KIDS:
Do mom & stepmom really need to be friends?
For many moms and stepmoms a civil relationship with each other seems entirely out of the question. But some actually consider themselves to be friends with the other woman. This raises a few questions: How close is too close? Is it realistic, or even healthy, for everyone to strive to be one big happy family? Wednesday Martin, Ph.D., author of the highly acclaimed book Stepmonster, explains below why cordial, cooperative and healthy boundaries are often the ideal balance, for everyone.
QUESTION:
I’m curious, based on a recent post on StepMom Magazine’s Facebook page, is it best not to try to improve the relationship with my stepkids’ mom beyond having no animosity and just keep things respectful and separate? And if so, why? I hardly talk with my stepkids’ mom as a result of some drama last summer but we are cordial to each other in the same room. We used to be closer and I even hung out with her family and chatted with her somewhat frequently. I was considering trying to get back to that but wonder if it would be negative for the kids according to psychologists and sociologists findings. Your thoughts?
ANSWER:
Author Wednesday Martin, Ph.d. explains:
“Francesca Adler-Baeder of the National Stepfamily Resource Center summarized findings from expert’s research and clinical experience that when exes are very chummy and cordial and spend a lot of time together, children are likely to experience confusion and wonder why they divorced in the first place and may continue to nurture fantasies of parental reconciliation.
Additionally, if an ex is angry, unreconciled to the remarriage/re-partnership, or emotionally unstable and volatile, a relationship beyond cordiality with her is an invitation to confusion, drama, and potential disaster for the married couple and the kids.
Finally bending over backwards to engineer a “perfect world” for kids of any age post-divorce is not necessarily doing them a favor. While the impulse is understandable to “keep everything exactly the same,” it is not healthy. Things change after parents divorce and helping children develop resilience and a sense of confidence that they are loved is more important than spending holidays with his ex and potentially confusing them, if that doesn’t work for you as a couple. And if it comes at the cost of one’s personal emotional comfort and safety, it is a disservice all around.
To make a long story short, maintaining a cordial, cooperative relationship with healthy boundaries with an ex is healthy for everyone in the picture. Each couple should decide what works for them and check in with each other regularly about it, with the understanding that these things sometimes change over time.”
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Tagged advice, articles, blended family, divorce, ex-wives, information, step-mom, step-mother, stepfamily, stepmom magazine, stepmonster, stepmother, stepparent, support, wednesday martin
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Inside the January Issue
Inside the 3rd Anniversary
January Issue:
PERFECTION
Stop thinking that everything has to be perfect…and relax!
HAPPINESS
It’s not a right. It’s your responsibility.
OUR MEN
They struggle & need support (just like us).
REJUVENATE
Why it’s so important for stepmoms to recharge.
COUPLES
Relationship discussion points for you and your partner.
THE EX
Has he ever accidentally called you by her name?
CRAFTS
RECIPES
STYLE
And MORE!
Click here to download the January 2011 issue!
Posted in Monthly Issues
Tagged advice, articles, blended family, information, step-mom, step-mother, stepfamily, stepmom, stepmom magazine, stepmother, support
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Holiday Tips for Stepcouples
Holiday DO’s & DONT’s
for Happy StepCouples
Holidays can be tough, especially this year, it seems. Money is tight, unemployment is up and the country is in political turmoil. The kids are due to visit, and you’re torn between looking forward to it and dreading potential schedule changes and drama with their mom. The kids may be feeling the same way. Nerves get frazzled during the holidays. This year, prepare yourself. Be strong and keep your stepcouple connection and communication on a high level. Work on it. Take it easy, take breaks and breathe! Here are a few holiday tips to help:
Do be proactive. Don’t stand back and wish for a bad situation to go away.
Stay present and deal with whatever comes your way.
Cooperate and work together with your partner.
Don’t take the holiday stress and tension out on each other.
Don’t point fingers of blame at each other, the kids or anyone else for that matter. That’s not helpful. Remember everyone feels the pressure, not just you. Use each other for support when you can.
Don’t spend too much money.
Watch out—the two days before Christmas are the worst!
Don’t drink too much alcohol.
Alcohol is a depressant, so if you over drink when you’re feeling depressed or angry, you double the depressive effect on your brain and you’ll feel worse.
Do delegate jobs to your partner.
But don’t get angry if they don’t do things exactly your way.
Do take stock of the good things you have.
Don’t lose sight of what brought you together in the first place.
Share holiday affirmations and traditions with each other and the children.
Enjoy special moments.
Do think of the kids.
Try not to let your adult stresses affect the little ones.
Do take time together as a couple.
Tell the kids you’re “taking a break.” They’ll be OK.
That’s what date nights and master bedrooms are for!
If you liked this article, you’ll LOVE our monthly editions! Subscribe today!
*Adapted from the December 2010 article “Handling Holiday Hassles as a Stepcouple” by Susan Wisdom
Posted in Holidays
Tagged advice, articles, blended family, holiday, information, stepfamily, stepmom, stepmom magazine, stepmother, tips
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Holiday Hint
SANTA’S LITTLE HELPER
Let someone know you’d like a gift subscription to StepMom Magazine in your stocking this year!
Here’s how:
1. Send an email to publisher@StepMomMagazine.com. Type “Holiday Hint” in the subject line and include an email address in the body copy for the person from whom you hope to receive a gift subscription.
2. We do the rest by sending them a fun email containing a holiday hint and gift subscription information. Don’t you wish all holiday shopping could be this easy?
Posted in Holidays, Offers & Promos
Tagged advice, articles, blended family, gift idea, holiday, information, stepfamily, stepmom, stepmom magazine, stepmother, subscription, support
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December 2011 Issue
Inside the December issue:
- DRAMA: A survival guide for “Messy Moments”
- Think outside the box IF YOU WANT TO QUIT
- ACCEPTANCE: Celebrating what you have
- A lesson from the men to KEEP THE PEACE
- MEDIATION 101: We explain the process
- STEPFAMILY LIFE LESSONS: From a newborn
- Holiday Gift Guide
- Staff Favorite Recipes
- Crafts with Your Stepkids & MORE!
Posted in Monthly Issues, Uncategorized
Tagged advice, articles, blended family, help, information, step-family, step-mom, step-mother, stepfamily, stepmom, stepmom magazine, stepmother
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Holidays with the Ex?
HOLIDAY ADVICE 
Guest List Dilemmas:
Ex-wives.
In-laws.
His kids.
Her kids.
Do you have to invite everyone?
If you’re one of the lucky stepmoms whose stepfamily has truly blended, congratulations! You may very well be looking forward to holiday events that include his kids, your kids, and maybe even your stepchildren’s mom! But, for many stepmoms, the thought of inviting everyone to gather in the same room is anything but festive. Take heart. Experts agree that more isn’t always better…
“When several family members who are unsettled about the stepfamily are gathered together for a special occasion, the cumulative anxiety may create an explosion. The underlying raw emotions that each person carries may be inflamed by others in the room. Therefore, take caution before throwing numerous family members into close surroundings if you suspect they are incapable of handling the tension. It’s best to celebrate separately until these issues can be resolved. Trying to resolve family conflict during special occasions is usually unproductive.”
-From the November 2010 Issue: “Conquering Holiday Hassles” by Laura Petherbridge
How and with whom do you celebrate the holiday season? Leave a comment and share your thoughts:
Posted in Holidays
Tagged advice, articles, blended families, help, holiday, information, stepfamily, stepmom magazine, stepmother, support
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Children’s Bill of Rights
Many of the negative effects of divorce on children can be prevented. By keeping children out of the middle, parents can help their kids not only to survive, but also thrive, in dual household situations. The following guidelines are found in many custody and parenting agreements.
According to this Bill of Rights children have:
1. The right not to be asked to choose sides between his/her parents.
2. The right not to be told the details of legal proceedings going on between his/her parents.
3. The right not to be told bad things about the other parent’s personality or character.
4. The right to privacy when talking to either parent on the telephone.
5. The right not to be cross-examined by one parent after spending time with the other parent.
6. The right not to be asked to be a messenger from one parent to the other.
7. The right not to be asked by one parent to tell the other parent untruths.
8. The right not to be used as a confidant regarding legal proceedings between the parents.
9. The right to express feelings, whatever those feelings may be.
10. The right to chose not to express certain feelings.
11. The right to be protected from parental warfare.
12. The right not to be made to feel guilty for loving both parents.
13. The right to be treated respectfully by each parent.
14. The right not to be demeaned by either parent by word or deed.
15. The right to be safe from physical harm.
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged advice, blended family, children's bill of rights, divorce, help, information, stepfamily, stepmom, stepmother, support
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