Stepmoms and Outsider Syndrome: 7 Ways to Ease the Pain of Feeling Left Out by Claudette Chenevert
Your partner is sitting on the floor, playing with his kids. It’s been a few weeks since they were last together and they seem to be having a good time catching up. Here you are, looking at them, when an empty feeling creeps up inside you.
You try as hard as you can, hoping you’re making all the right moves. You sacrifice your time and space to make sure your partner’s kids feel at home, as if they belong. All the while, you are battling your own demons about what your place is in this relationship.
There are times when this phenomenon is very subtle, so much so that it might make you wonder if it’s all in your head. It is similar to feeling as though no one is on your team or that you are all alone. You’re not even sure you can talk with your spouse about this. Will he understand what you are going through?
How do you explain to him that you love him very much but that, when his kids are here, all of a sudden you feel as though you are no longer part of the family? That you feel left out?
Understanding what being an outsider looks like and putting words to those feelings is a good step forward.
So is acknowledging that outsider syndrome is very real. We will explore this here, as well as seven ways you can ease the pain associated with feeling left out.
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This is actually intensified when the children are female teenagers. No matter how hard I have tried bending over backward to accommodate their needs and overlook lots of things, my two stepdaughters couldn’t be more dismissive of me.
Same here. Even his adult daughter. It is like a jealousy thing with girls. He doesn’t help, by throwing me under the bus when he wants to say no, blames it on me. I feel for you. My boys are very accepting of my husband
I will have 4 teen girls at one time. I don’t have any of my own yet. Just know ladies I feel your pain. Stay strong and know that you make a difference even if you get the shaft.
I have 2 teen stepdaughters and my own biological daughter. My stepdaughters always disrespect there dad and calls him out and he never disciplines them.. it constant repeat of sassy, disrespectful remarks and unfortunately when I got to discipline and correct I’m the bad guy. And they ask your not like that with your own daughter, I say it’s because she knows not to be that way . His teenage daughters are literally starting to rip my new marriage apart …
I feel this so much. I’m struggling with my new marriage (in September) because of his daughters in their early 20’s. It’s hard. ?
Same here I understand
I have 2 stepdaughters, I’ve been with my husband 14 years, and those girls have caused problems to the extent of of our relationship being miserable. The wicked ex-wife has meddled and meddled also.. they were like 6 and 8 years when we got together and those girls started problems right away and the mom was right there helping. Now they are 23 and 24 and still the 24 year old is suffering from Daddy Syndrome.. she will try and do anything to get him to obsess over her and the 23 year old does not even talk to him only when it benefits her. When his mom and daughter are around I hardly even exist. I understand how everyone is feeling. Sad but true.
Going through this right now. I have 3 step daughters and 1 foster daughter. The foster daughter is his 1st wife’s daughter. He took her in when the wife passed. 2 of the step daughters are from this same wife and the other is from an outside woman. I can’t talk to the foster daughter without everything being my fault. And it’s sad cus he does the same thing. And then they influence the other 3. I feel like a stranger looking in at all times.