FOR THE MEN!
Peacemaking Divorced Dads: How Avoiding Conflict Can Start a War by Mary T. Kelly, MA
There are common phrases you, as a man, may use when you want to avoid conflict. Doing so, you often wind up kidding yourself and your partner by thinking that it isn’t because you’re avoiding conflict. It’s because you’re a peace-loving guy!
A peacemaker. Yet—after working with thousands of men who are repartnered fathers—my experience shows that,
when asked point blank how they feel about addressing real or potential disagreements, nearly 98 percent of men admit to being conflict avoidant.
I ask you, do any of these sound familiar?
⊲ “OK.”
⊲ “Yes, dear.”
⊲ “I’ll do my best.”
⊲ “Whatever you say.”
⊲ “I don’t wanna talk about it now.”
Look, I don’t care if you’re the most successful litigator on the planet. Men, in general, hate conflict. Men especially seem to hate the idea of engaging in conflict with the people they love and, in the case of your ex, people they don’t.
Without exception, there’s not one man I’ve worked with who doesn’t feel constantly caught in the middle—whether it’s between his new partner and his kids, his new partner and his ex or his new partner and himself. He feels as if nothing he says or does is right, appreciated or acknowledged. Feeling stuck, he resigns himself to a life in which he’s trying to make everyone else happy … at the expense of his own happiness.
If you can relate, I have some good news and some bad news. …To read the rest of this article log in to your account and download the June 2016 issue. Don’t have an account? Click here to subscribe.