No. I’m not obsessing over or otherwise pining away for my ex, Mike. While he and I were never married or engaged, I was hip to being a stepmom and wrapped up in loving him—certain he was The One. Similarly to how you may have expressed it to your man, I told him he was the guy I’d waded thru years of relationship rigmarole to get to. Hmpf!
Truth is? Life isn’t like that. I’m certain of it. I am, after all, The One who got away.
Worse for wear but infinitely wiser, I’ll always care for him to some degree. Heck, while I had him, I loved him full-throttle. Yet, after suffering much confusion, I know he’s all wrong for me: too passive, too unwilling to take my needs or safety concerns seriously and too delusional for my taste. As in, “She’d never do that.” (We’ll get back to that.)
You know who we were talking about, right? Yep, his bona fide ex-wife. No, wait, did they ever get divorced? Could he somehow still be content to be legally tethered to her? Willing to drop everything at her beck and call? Unfortunately he was that guy. At this point I could care less. Back then, though—in the throes of it all—I was confounded.
This is my story. Whether you’re a full-fledged stepmom or simply dating a guy with kids, you’ll relate. If you happen to be a separated, divorcing or otherwise dating-again dad, my hope is that you’ll learn something about the woman you’re with now. Perhaps be moved to take her concerns more seriously. If you don’t? You just may lose her.
Giving up on you isn’t a choice she’ll make lightly. She’ll simply have no other choice.