His “Crazy Ex” and You: Understanding Why She Acts That Way by Brenda Snyder, LCSW
All exes are crazy, right? Any time you hear a narrative about “his ex,” “my ex,” or even “my best friend’s ex,” chances are pretty good that the person in question comes out looking a little nuts. If you’re an ex, it’s even likely that you star in someone else’s narrative, as a psychotic b*#@!. Every person tells their own story their own way.
Stepmoms have a unique position in the ex dynamic. Not only have you taken the ex’s place with your husband, but you are also in a position to influence the children she had with him. Many, many women do not handle this perceived threat very well. As a result, their worst selves show up in a variety of ways.
That bad behavior can often make a stepmom feel as if she’s riding the crazy train right alongside the ex, but there’s something to be said for understanding why she acts that way.
It seems to be an almost universal perspective of stepmoms that their stepchildren’s mothers are impossible to deal with. Does any of this sound familiar?
⊲ She tells the kids lies about me.
⊲ She calls, texts and emails us constantly.
⊲ She plans kids’ activities during our weekends.
⊲ She makes us out to be bad guys, for enforcing our own house rules.
⊲ She acts like I don’t exist when we both happen to be at the kids’ games.
⊲ She manipulates them into “choosing” time with her over us.
An otherwise professional and personable woman, your husband’s ex becomes a paranoid, overly-involved shrew whenever she gets the opportunity. The frustrating thing is that this really makes no sense. You’re not crazy. (At least, not in this scenario). It really doesn’t make sense. You care for this woman’s children and have tried to be a positive influence in their lives. …To read the rest of this article, log in to your account and download the March 2017 issue. Don’t have an account? Click here to subscribe.