The Lonely Stepmom: 6 Tips for When You Feel Ignored, Rejected or Alone BY MARY T. KELLY, MA
Think of your earliest memory of feeling excluded. For most, those thoughts take us back to grade school. Maybe you were on the playground watching the other kids interact, as you stood back alone. Maybe you weren’t invited to a birthday party for someone you considered a friend. Surely you didn’t escape middle school or high school without feeling like an outsider.
Memories of feeling ignored, rejected or alone may still haunt you—or sting.
Still, you grew up and found your own place in the world. You wisely learned that not everyone had to like you. You eventually found “your people,” the safe ones who love you exactly as you are. Then you partnered with a guy who has kids and that old, familiar sense of loneliness set in. No one told you what you signed up for, did they?
You dove in head first, expecting that his kids would like and accept you. That his family and friends would embrace you. You may have even thought his ex would welcome your presence in her kids’ lives. After all, you were there to lend support and wanted the best for them. As you may have painfully found out, those expectations can be as realistic as Cupid’s existence.
It’s not all hearts and kisses in Stepfamily Land. Not even on Valentine’s Day.
Have you ever felt like a complete and total outsider, in the home, even though the time you spend with your partner is great? You two get along well and like being together. You always have, but then a new experience set in. You began dreading his kids’ home invasion several days in advance. Once they arrived, your partner morphed from Cupid into a romantic curmudgeon.
You’d think: Who is this guy and how can he change so drastically, when they’re with us? If your stepfamily were a stove, you’d feel like the back burner. Being ignored, rejected and unappreciated by kids you’ve worked so hard to win over—in hopes that they’ll accept or at least acknowledge you—hurts. That’s a lonely space to occupy.
You’d swear there’s an invisible, impenetrable wall between you and them.
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