Do you spend too much time thinking about your partner’s ex-wife? Watch this video and learn how to focus LESS on her and MORE on your relationship.
Stepmoms: Leave a comment below and tell us what you think! Do you talk so much about the ex it almost feels like she lives with you? Are you ready to set boundaries and try the strategy explained in this video?
How To Keep The Ex Out Of Your Relationship | Video Transcript:
Hi there. I’m Brenda Ockun with StepMom Magazine and you’re watching StepMom-TV
…because even when it’s good, it’s complicated!
I want to ask you a question. When was the last time you and your partner had a conversation about or spent time complaining about his ex-wife? Was it five days ago? Five hours ago? Or, maybe it was five minutes ago? Hmm.
One of the biggest challenges of being in a relationship with someone who has kids, is the ongoing presence of their ex. And let’s be honest, even if stepfamily life is smooth and everyone’s getting along, no one really wants a constant reminder of their partner’s past. Still, the ex often becomes a main topic of conversation for many couples. It’s certainly not healthy and it is not fun!
In the February 2014 issue of StepMom Magazine, Stepfamily therapist Mary T. Kelly says: “Many couples spend an inordinate amount of time talking about the ex. There’s something morbidly fascinating about talking about them. Discipline yourselves to resist the urge.”
How? I’ll tell you!
There’s a very simple and effective way to keep you and your partner from spending too much time venting, complaining, or conversing over something that quite frankly, you can’t change. I call this technique Code Word Ex.
Here’s how it works:
Step One: Pick a secret code word or phrase. Your code word can be anything you want it to be but make sure you, and your partner, decide on it together.
Step Two: When you or your significant other notice that you’re in a non-productive conversation or you’ve been talking way too long or too much about the ex, one of you must shout out the secret code word.
Step Three: You must stop talking about the ex once the code word has been executed!
Your code word will become like a mantra that eventually you’ll both repeat whenever the conversation becomes pointless, repetitive or unproductive. It’s that easy!
Now the reason this works, is because the code word acts as a boundary that you create around your relationship. It’s a way of saying –and demonstrating- that you’re not going to let another person inside your relationship. The act of saying your code word out loud literally interrupts your conversation, but, it also helps you re-direct your attention back where it belongs – on each other.
So the next time you find yourself talking incessantly about the ex, shout out your code word! I guarantee it works.
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