stepfamily issues Archives - Page 7 of 9

5 Benefits of Stepfamily Life – Inside the October 2015 Issue

Happily Ever After: 5 Benefits of Stepfamily Life by Christina Roach LMHC, NCC, DCC

You know he will always be a father. His kids come first. As a stepmom, you will need to adjust to their way of doing things.

These are just some of the messages I received when I decided to marry a man with kids. I’m not going to lie. Those words of encouragement—or lack thereof—were less than I had hoped for. After such rave reviews, what mentally stable person would sign up for this gig? Me. And given that you’re reading StepMom Magazine, I’m assuming you, too.

As stepmoms, we know stepfamily life has its share of turbulence and that some of us have it rougher than others. Continue reading “5 Benefits of Stepfamily Life – Inside the October 2015 Issue”

Stepmoms and Loyalty Conflicts – Inside the October 2015 Issue

Stepmoms and Loyalty Conflicts: How and Why We Engage in No-Win Competitions by Brenda Snyder, LCSW

One of the most frustrating things about stepmotherhood is the positive regard our stepchildren have for their biological mothers. No matter what. A cognitive understanding of why they love their mothers simply isn’t enough to help us heal the wounds—real or imagined—which we endure in the name of parent-child loyalty. Too often, our response to our stepchildren’s need to protect and defend the love they have for their mothers takes the shape of redoubling our efforts to “win.” But what are we competing for?

The term loyalty signifies devotion and attachment, which is usually aimed at the people we love. It also refers to where we choose to put our allegiance. Continue reading “Stepmoms and Loyalty Conflicts – Inside the October 2015 Issue”

Same-Sex Stepfamilies – Inside the October 2015 Issue

Same Sex Stepfamilies: To Be, Or Not to Be, in the Closet? by Trisha Ladogna

The U.S. Supreme Court ruling that the Constitution gives same-sex couples the right to marry and Caitlyn Jenner’s public transition are both tremendous milestones which pave the way toward legitimizing and accepting same-sex and transgender stepfamilies.

There is a lot to celebrate, not only for those who identify as members of related communities but also for those who gave birth to, grew up with, befriended or love someone who identifies as gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender.

These massive steps forward, however, have not eliminated the challenges faced by lesbian stepfamilies. Continue reading “Same-Sex Stepfamilies – Inside the October 2015 Issue”

Adult Stepchildren – Inside the September 2015 Issue

All Grown Up: When Life Hands You Adult Stepkids
by Brenda Snyder, LCSW

It is a well-known fact that people are living longer and that the aging and elderly population is a growing one. This affects many aspects of society, including the growing number of stepfamilies that form later in life and are, thus, comprised of older adults with adult stepchildren.

Stepfamily literature and research tends to focus on families with young or school-age children, where everyday parenting tasks are the norm. Even informal conversations about impending marriages dismiss the unique challenges of taking on adult stepchildren, with everyone expressing gratitude that the “problems” wrought by younger stepchildren have been avoided. Continue reading “Adult Stepchildren – Inside the September 2015 Issue”

Having an Ours Baby – Inside the August 2015 Issue

Ours Baby StepMom Magazine — Inside the August 2015 Issue

Sitting in the Center: An Ours Child’s Perspective on Stepfamily Life by Trisha Ladogna

Our decision to have an ours baby was not made lightly. I was 36, a childless stepmother for more than five years and had suffered a miscarriage prior to having my first biological child.

Like many first-time mothers, I did an amazing amount of preparation and reading about what was happening with my body and my baby. Like many stepmothers, I did just as much reading and preparation around the impact this little bundle of joy would have on our stepfamily—particularly my stepson.

And, like both stepmothers and mothers, I worried. Continue reading “Having an Ours Baby – Inside the August 2015 Issue”

Why Stepfamilies Are Different – Inside the August 2015 Issue

Stepfamilies Are Unique — Inside the August 2015 Issue

Embrace Your Differences: 5 Factors That Make Stepfamilies Unique by Brenda Snyder, LCSW

A family is a family is a family. Two adults. Some kids. Does it really matter so much how and when the family was formed? Or that not all of the people in that family are blood related? You look like a family. You act like a family. Love conquers all.

The same rules ought to apply, right? Rarely do women who are not stepmothers understand just how wrong these assumptions are. They try to be supportive, but they just don’t get it.

Stepfamilies are different.

And it’s time to embrace those differences. At least five factors make stepfamilies unique. Continue reading “Why Stepfamilies Are Different – Inside the August 2015 Issue”

Preparing Stepkids for an Ours Baby – In the July 2015 Issue

Baby Blues: Preparing Stepkids for Your “Ours” Baby’s Arrival by Christina Roach, LMHC, NCC, DCC

Preparing for the arrival of a new baby can be an exciting time for any couple. Whether you are motivated by wanting a biological child of your own or a desire to share the parenthood experience with your partner, the decision to add an “ours” baby to the stepfamily dynamic is an important one.

For some stepmoms, conceiving a child can serve as a way to authenticate the couple’s relationship, especially in the eyes of those people who they feel question its validity. On a subconscious level, it also can be a way to show others that this relationship (the stepcouple relationship) is real. It isn’t a mere substitution for their partner’s former union. Continue reading “Preparing Stepkids for an Ours Baby – In the July 2015 Issue”

Becoming a Full-Time Stepmom – Inside the July 2015 Issue

Becoming a Full-Time Stepmom: What to Expect and How to Cope With Changes in Custody by Jenna Korf

The thing with stepfamily life is you never know what is going to happen. You move in with a man who has kids—who has them maybe half the time—and you assume it will always be that way. But, in stepfamilies, things almost never stay the same.

I could not have imagined that three years after marrying my husband, who had 50/50 custody, we would be moving 3,000 miles away and gaining full physical custody of both boys (then 14 and 17) while their mom stayed put. Nope, I did not see that one coming. Continue reading “Becoming a Full-Time Stepmom – Inside the July 2015 Issue”

Stepfamily Dynamics for Divorced Dads – In the June 2015 Issue

It’s Complicated! A Divorced Dad’s Guide to Understanding Stepfamily Dynamics by Brenda Snyder, LCSW

Women are complicated. We know it. We’re even proud of it. Sometimes we don’t make sense to ourselves—not that we’d ever admit it to you … the men we love.

Your situation, of course, takes the concept of complexity to new heights. Because you have kids (whom you and your current partner didn’t create together), you get to sort through all kinds of extra stuff that takes the term “relationship challenge” to an entirely new level. Continue reading “Stepfamily Dynamics for Divorced Dads – In the June 2015 Issue”

Top 10 Stepmom Issues – Inside the June 2015 Issue

Can You Help a Girl Out? 10 Things Stepmoms Want Their Partners to Know by Heather Hetchler, MA

Communication breakdowns—not unlike the sudden breakdown of a car while you’re speeding along the highway—can be unnerving. In stepfamilies, they can also lead to critical breaks in the otherwise happy connection you share with your partner.

Sure, we all have days when we don’t quite get what our partners are saying.

Maybe, like auto mechanics rattling off specs, the language they use doesn’t make sense to us. Or, like that radio blaring two cars away, intrusions from the ex make it hard to concentrate on the here and now. Continue reading “Top 10 Stepmom Issues – Inside the June 2015 Issue”

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