Mom VS. Stepmom: Free Yourself From
Competition With the Ex by Brenda Snyder, LCSW
If there’s a relationship more fraught with emotion than that of the stepmother and the ex-wife, I have yet to hear about it—and I’ve made a 20-year career of counseling people about their relationships.
It’s really unusual, even if you’re not sitting in a therapist’s office, to talk to someone for any length of time about life as a stepmother and not end up discussing the ex and her role in your life. Consider the time and energy you put into describing her latest manipulations, inconsiderate actions or poor parenting decisions.
In the process, it’s often important (but difficult) to help others understand just how vilified you and your husband have become— and how awful it is to deal with exes who behave horribly yet wield incredible power. Yet, is it worth it? Is struggling with the ex worth all of the emotion it stirs up? And where does all of the struggle come from?
It’s a hard thing to admit, but many stepmothers put themselves in competition with their stepchildren’s biological mothers. Even as you read this, you might be thinking, “There’s no way I’d compete with her for anything! I hate her. I don’t give her the time of day. And, anyway, I’d win hands down. She’s horrible. Let me tell you what she did just last week.” …To read the rest of this article, log in to your account and download the November 2015 issue. Don’t have an account? Click here to subscribe.
For a step mother to attempt to compete with the mother of her husbands child or children shows her own insecurities. If she’s a mother herself she will understand and hopefully respect the mother of her husbands kids if not then the father of the child or children needs to step up and explain the situation to her and the children if need be ie…. set respectful boundaries and make things clear to the children who mom and dad are and leave no gray areas . If she’s not a mother then she can’t entirely relate to how a mother really feels about this kind of situation. The step mother should never be allowed overstep the boundaries of the biological mother period. The children have a hard enough time as it is in these situations and another person trying to take the place of either parent isn’t fair to them and in most circumstances it’s done out of spite and meanness. Think about the kids !
So what if the mother of the kids turns you in for sexually touching the kid after 6 weeks of being with the father? What the mother of the kid isn’t at anything for their child?
What about the poor step mothers, and the narcissistic ex wife’s?
It’s so tough to be newly married and feel you are already a mother to 2 step children and not being able to enjoy the first few months of your marriage with your husband because the ex wife is sending kids over always and trying to control the ex husband by using the kids to control him so he doesn’t get to spend any quality time or financially support his new wife and the ex tells his wife that the house she is living in is her kids and the car she drives is her kids and what ever he has is her kids and her kids will always come first wow the new wife might as well slit her wrist because as far as the ex is concerned she will never be part of her ex husbands life which is pure jealousy from the ex wife side!!!
Without knowing the truth ex wives judge the step moms!!! They shouldn’t judge women before not knowing the truth!!!