Sitting in the Center: An Ours Child’s Perspective on Stepfamily Life by Trisha Ladogna
Our decision to have an ours baby was not made lightly. I was 36, a childless stepmother for more than five years and had suffered a miscarriage prior to having my first biological child.
Like many first-time mothers, I did an amazing amount of preparation and reading about what was happening with my body and my baby. Like many stepmothers, I did just as much reading and preparation around the impact this little bundle of joy would have on our stepfamily—particularly my stepson.
And, like both stepmothers and mothers, I worried.
I worried about whether my stepson would love his new sibling. About whether a biological child of my own would change the way I felt about my stepson. About whether my partner would treat our baby differently. About whether my partner would treat my stepson differently.
What would I do if my stepson didn’t like his sibling? What would happen if the baby came while my stepson was away at his mom’s house? Would my own child call me Trisha rather than Mom because that’s what my stepson did? Would I miscarry again?
It felt like I worried about everything.
Except that I didn’t. In the midst of all that worry, it didn’t even cross my mind to contemplate the complications my baby would face growing up in a stepfamily. Looking back, I think I just assumed that—because our child would be residing full-time with my partner and me—he would experience life just like any other child in a nuclear or first family. …To read the rest of this article, log in to your account and download the August 2015 issue. Don’t have an account? Click here to subscribe.